Tales from Arendelle
by Nerdherder51
Summary: A series of one shot sketches both humorous and dramatic revolving around the characters from the movie Frozen. First story: Elsa hires a contractor from a popular home improvement show to install a new stove with typically (for the contractor) disastrous results.
1. Frozen Time

(Does everyone know what time it is?) **Frozen Time**

* * *

Princess Anna, ever cheerful, entered Elsa's private office bringing with her some ice cream with chocolate topping for her hard working sister. "Want to take a break, Sis?" she asked. "You've been working too hard."

"Huh?" Elsa looked up at the mammoth dessert. "Oh my, Anna, I can't eat all of that."

"We'll share."

"So how is the renovation proceeding?" Elsa asked. The castle's kitchen was being updated to reflect some of the newest cooking ovens and workflow ideas from Europe. A contractor was hired to do the work and he had been at it for several days now.

"So far so good," Anna replied. "He seems to be a good man but Mr. Taylor has this strange need to grunt every time a new kitchen appliance is unpacked. Are you sure he's reliable?"

"Tim came highly recommended," Elsa replied.

At that moment… BOOOOM!

"That came from kitchen!" Elsa exclaimed.

The two sisters arrived at the doorway to the royal kitchen to witness plumes of smoke emanating through the doors. A man in slacks, blue shirt and tie, their contractor, exited from the room. Small fires, warped pots and shattered appliances were briefly visible through the open doorway before it swung shut behind him.

"Mr. Taylor, are you hurt?" Elsa asked of her contractor.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Tim said, "but that new oven sure isn't. I don't know who sold you that thing but you got ripped off."

"Why? What happened?" Elsa had been assured that the cooker they had purchased was of the finest quality in the entire European continent.

"That oven wasn't worth what you paid for it" Tim Taylor complained. "Not enough heat for cooking at the highest setting so I gave it more power!"

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Anna shrieked.

"What did you do?" Elsa asked, terrified.

Tim went on to explain. "Well that thing was only rated for a maximum of fifteen thousand BTU, which is fine if you're going to do nothing but girly cooking. But what you need is a MAN's cooker. So I installed a Binford two thousand PSI air compressor and increased the cooking heat to a more manly one hundred and fifteen thousand BTUs. Now you can braise an entire cow on that thing. ARR ARR ARR!"

"Until it exploded," Anna reminded _The Toolman_.

"Who knew the gas lines weren't rated for that kind of pressure?"

"Any normal repairman!" Elsa noted bitterly.

"Look, I'll just order another one and have it installed, toot sweet," Tim replied, trying to sound sophisticated.

"Yes, we will be ordering another cooker," Elsa answered, "but next time Al Borland will be installing it."

"Flannel Man? Look, Al is my assistant. He. Assists. Me."

"Not this time. You're services are no longer needed." Elsa showed the contractor the door.

"No longer needed?! But I'm Tim. Tim 'The Toolman' Tay…" SLAM!

Elsa closed the door on the inept installer and asked her sister Anna to make new arrangements for a replacement cooker and replacement contractor.

Anna then commented, "You know, I'm beginning to think that all those accidents on his television show aren't staged."

* * *

( Four weeks later)

"It looks wonderful, Al," Elsa gushed.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," the flannel clad Al beamed. "It was a pleasure working for such a gracious and lovely queen. But it wouldn't have been possible without help from the man I consider a true icon in the home improvement arena, Mr. Bob Vila."

"Thanks, Al," Bob replied, "But you did most of the work."

"How are Trudy and the kids?" Elsa asked Mr. Borland.

"They're fine, thanks for asking," Al replied, impressed that a queen of her standing took the time to ask about his wife and family.

"Elsa," Anna called out, holding the phone receiver in her hand. "It's Prince Hans. He has a rec room he needs renovated and wants us to recommend someone."

Elsa couldn't believe the gall Prince Hans Westergaard of the Southern Isles had contacting them after what he attempted during his last visit to Arendelle. "Just hang up on him, Anna. No wait. Let me speak to him."

Anna handed Elsa the phone. "Hans? I have a perfect recommendation for you. Tim 'The Toolman' Taylor. Yes, Tim will make quite an impression. You're welcome. Goodbye." Elsa hung up the phone. "Tim will make in impression, alright, right into a wall."

* * *

 **If you remember Tim Allen's original sitcom _Home Improvement_ this story will make more sense.**


	2. Trees

**Trees**

* * *

The royal coach of Arendelle rolled and bumped along a quiet trail in the woods of the Nordic nation. The queen and her younger sister were its occupants. While Queen Elsa was wrapped up in a good book, Princess Anna stared out the window at the world that slowly passed them by. There were lush grasses interrupted by tall trees and framed with the backdrop of towering, snowcapped mountains.

"What are you reading, Elsa?" Anna asked.

"Hmm?"

"What are you reading?"

"Oh, a study of local foliage," Elsa replied. "Sort of a 'how to…' for recognizing different types of plants and trees that grow in Arendelle."

"I loved that one," Anna gushed. "I must have read that one ten times growing up. It taught me how to recognize different types of trees from quite a long way away."

"Really? Well what about that one in the distance?" Elsa asked, pointing.

Anna studied the distant tree and quickly identified it. "The Larch."

"Are you certain?"

"Absolutely."

"Well, what if you were to walk up to it and found out it was a different tree?"

"It wouldn't lie!"

"A-nna!"

* * *

 **I've been looking for a way to sneak in this reference. Can anyone guess what it is? You've got three chances and the first two don't count!**


	3. Cinco de Mayo

**A Fifth of Mayonnaise**

* * *

"Anna? Anna, where are you?" Elsa had been searching for her sister. She found the young redhead in her room, buried under the blankets, moaning and writhing. "Anna, are you sick?"

"…yes," Anna replied between groans of agony.

Elsa, hoping to ease her sister's discomfort, pulled off the covers to find Anna grasping at her stomach and looking green in the cheeks. "Oh my gosh, what happened?"

"I started celebrating early," Anna replied.

"Celebrating? For what?"

"The Mexican holiday that celebrates mayonnaise," the younger princess replied.

Perplexed, Elsa probed further. "Mayonnaise? What Mexican holiday of mayonnaise? And how did that make you sick to your stomach?"

"You know, the day they celebrate the five mayonnaises. Cinco de Mayo. So I ate five sandwiches with five different types of mayonnaise and now I'm si-ick!"

Elsa face palmed. "Anna, it's not mayo like mayonnaise. It's Mayo, the Spanish word for May. Cinco de Mayo means the fifth of May. The holiday commemorates an improbable Mexican military victory over French forces at the city of Puebla in the year 1862 when Napoleon III tried to establish a new French Empire in Latin America."

"So there's no mayonnaise involved?" Anna asked, horrified.

"Not unless they served sandwiches in Mexico."

Crushed by what she heard, Anna quickly turned deeper shades of green before vomiting the entire contents of her stomach into a nearby trashcan. "Uhh… now you tell me."

* * *

 **Historical Note: The victory at Puebla was short lived as Napoleon III did eventually establish his "Latin Empire." However, it only lasted three years. Mexican resistance coupled with American influence and the likelihood of a French war with Prussia forced Napoleon III to exit Mexico allowing the Mexican citizenry to reclaim their government and country.  
**

 **The Battle of Puebla was significant because it bolstered morale and created a sense of unity among Mexicans immediately after a major civil war, known as The Reform War, left the nation bitterly divided and low on money.**

 **Cinco de Mayo is sometimes confused for Mexican Independence Day, that is actually September 16th.**


	4. May the Fourth

**May the Fourth Be With You**

* * *

"Anna, where have you been?" Elsa Queen of Arendelle asked her little sister as she walked from the hall. "You are my co hostess for this May the Fourth _Star_ _Wars_ party."

Anna leaned over and whispered that she was visiting the necessary. "Oh, but that new chamberpot you bought was just darling."

"Chamberpot? What chamberpot?"

"You know, the blue and white one with the rotating dome."

"With two legs?!" Elsa asked, hoping against hope but terrified of the answer.

"Yes. It was just the right height, too."

Elsa gasped, putting her hand over her mouth while doing so. "Anna, that wasn't a chamberpot, it's one of our guests of honor. R2 D2."

Anna's eyes opened wide as saucers as her recollection of the "chamberpot" suddenly returned the "it looks so familiar" thoughts she had when she first laid eyes upon it. "Oh no. Wait. If that was R2 D2 then the shiny, gold coatrack with the glowing eyes is..."

"C3PO."

Anna face palmed. "Oh no."

 **~O~**

Meanwhile, by the doorway, a coat covered C3PO greeted his bewildered and smelly companion. "R2, I have no idea what just happened, but I'm sure it's all your fault."


End file.
